UPDATE: The contest is now closed, and we have our winners. The mushy mystical powers of www.random.org have selected three. They’ve all been contacted. Unless they change their minds, and tell me to beat myself about the head with my own book, I’ll be shipping their copies out to them posthaste. To all three I say: Congratulations! Or possibly: Condolences! God only knows how badly they’ll be traumatized by reading it.
And to everyone who kicked in a comment I say: Thank you! What marvelously scatological suggestions, one and all. I’m grateful to have so many fellow travelers on the path of F.S.O.
ORIGINAL POST:
OK, guess what! The Advance Reader Copies of Figuring Shit Out (due for release Oct. 7) have arrived, and I’d like to give away a few in my first faint stab at promoting my own book. I am not good at promoting my own things. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’m not good at owning things in general. Maybe in some past life I was a Byzantine monk who lived in the desert and ate sand.
Anyways. So. My book. It concerns my husband’s suicide and the life my kids and managed to live in its wake — the first year or so, in all its tears, snot and moments of blessed levity. The subtitle is Love, Laughter, Suicide, and Survival. The length is short. Very short. About 200 pages. Small pages. You could read the whole thing, maybe twice, on a plane to Oxnard, even though I have never heard of anyone flying to Oxnard (I checked; it has an airport). I only used Oxnard as an example because the word sounds like some kind of weird soup or geographic formation (“the glacial oxnard can be found in the outwash of sandy topography occupied by monks”).
Another thing to recommend my memoir: I make an idiot out of myself. I really really do. In fact, I make such an idiot out of myself that anyone who wants to read this book must sign a legally binding form promising not to look at me funny or stop talking to me entirely afterwards, whether you do your perusing at home, at the beach or on the plane to Oxnard. I want to be sure you understand this. It’s important, because I don’t want anyone to stop talking to me, even people whose conversation I don’t actually enjoy, although it’s possible I might begin to regret that someday. I chose to make an idiot out of myself; it was an act of empowerment. So be with me. Talk to me. Please.
With that in mind, if you want a chance to win an an early, uncorrected ARC of Figuring Shit Out: Love, Laughter, Suicide, and Survival, answer this question in the comments below: What should I title the sequel? Of course, this assumes I’m going write a sequel, and I hope I don’t, because I’m greatly looking forward to a tragedy-free life from this point on. A boring few decades for me, folks! NO MORE MEMOIR FODDER FROM THIS POINT ON! HURRAY! But in the event I do write some deadly dull follow-up, my son suggested We Get Rid of It For A Reason as a title, which I rather like.
What do you think? What would you call it? Comment below by 5 p.m. Wednesday. I will NOT be judging these responses on their literary merit; instead, I’ll assign numbers based on the order of posting and then use www.random.org to pick three winners.
Answer away!
Figuring. Shit. Out. 
Wiping Up.
“Same Sh!t, Different Day.”
“I Figured Sh!t Out!”
Come this far by faith….
A few ideas…”The Larch” for the Monty Python fans…Or perhaps you have… A Word Splurge… And for the philosophical questions about life, the universe and everything… “Become/Undone a Conundrum”
Let Shit Be.
Muddling Through: Recovery and Reconcilliation
Me, Myself and I
The musings of a moderately sane woman.
Done With This Shit
And now for something completely different . . . . Btw, Tony and I are going to Oxnard this fall! We’d love to read it on the plane.
From a Cesspool to Walden Pond
Good and great, this means I’ll get the copy I ordered from Amazon — it’s all about me! As a working writer and author, I know better than to ask another working writer and author for free shit. I’m awed you didn’t tell readers to buy a copy. Maybe that’s what you meant by not being good at promoting your stuff? Over the years I’ve shifted from thinking, to muttering, then flat out saying, “Stop lending my fairly priced book and go buy copies to give away.”
Back to you: yay. Can’t wait to read it. Love the proposed title. Subtitle: “Sushi.”
Kidding. Not kidding: We Get Rid Of It For A Reason:No Shame But So Should You
And Flushing It Away
The writing is warm and often touching and, frankly, brilliant. I’m not in on this contest. I want to support this effort buy purchasing my copy – but I want it signed.
That Ain’t Goin’ Happen—Being A Realist
That Ain’t Goin’ Happen – Being A Realist
Figured it out; and you will too
The Meaning of Shit: The answers to life from a journey lived.
How about: “DUMP IT ALL!” Promise will not look at you funny.
Thanks, Sylvie!
Still running
“Sh!t from Shinola: What I Thought I Knew and What I’ve Learned.”
And keep a close eye on your son — he is showing flair. Intercede now and perhaps you can save him from the curse of the writer’s life.
Oh How My Garden Grew: That Sh!t was Useful.
How about… “Life Uncluttered”.
I have followed you through the TU for years, and have always loved your humor and writing style. Sad when you took a break, glad you’re back, and love your blog. I’m so looking forward to reading your book, how ever I get my clammy little hands on it. 🙂
Hugs
“You NEVER Stop Figuring Shit Out!”
I was going to say, Life is Good, if it was, but then realized that god forbid you have another tragedy you will be able to see the good that still remains, so now I’m thinking “The Good That Still Remains” would work either way.
Flush it.
Grove Avenue
“A-to-Z’s of Shit-magnetry.”
Fixing the shit you didn’t figure out right the first time through.
“Nothing’s Happened – And I Like It” (But kudos to Bob W. for “You Never Stop Figuring Shit Out”
Not Bob W – Dee Burkins…I’m obviously still trying to figure shit out.
Figuring MORE Sh!t Out
A Fertilized Life: what you reap after you’ve figured (sh)it out
What to Do When Oxnard is Not Enough
Getting the Shit Out…. Live life a lot lighter.
Live, Life, To The Fullest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will be delighted to purchase a copy from one of our local independent bookstores when it’s published. Good luck to all the creative souls who submitted titles!